Does iddah apply to me, and when did it start?

حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحِيمِ الْبَزَّازُ، حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ بَحْرٍ الْقَطَّانُ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامُ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، عَنْ مَعْمَرٍ، عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ مُسْلِمٍ، عَنْ عِكْرِمَةَ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، أَنَّ امْرَأَةَ، ثَابِتِ بْنِ قَيْسٍ اخْتَلَعَتْ مِنْهُ فَجَعَلَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم عِدَّتَهَا حَيْضَةً ‏.‏ قَالَ أَبُو دَاوُدَ وَهَذَا الْحَدِيثُ رَوَاهُ عَبْدُ الرَّزَّاقِ عَنْ مَعْمَرٍ عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ مُسْلِمٍ عَنْ عِكْرِمَةَ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مُرْسَلاً ‏.‏

The wife of Thabit ibn Qays separated herself from him for a compensation. The Prophet (ﷺ) made her waiting period a menstrual course. Abu Dawud said: This tradition has been transmitted by 'Abd al-Razzaq from Ma'mar from 'Amr b. Muslim from 'Ikrimah from the Prophet (ﷺ) in a mursal form (i.e. missing the link of the Companion).

وَسَبَبُ وُجُوبِهَا) عَقْدُ (النِّكَاحِ الْمُتَأَكِّدُ بِالتَّسْلِيمِ وَمَا جَرَى مَجْرَاهُ) مِنْ مَوْتٍ، أَوْ خَلْوَةٍ أَيْ صَحِيحَةٍ … وَهِيَ فِي) حَقِّ (حُرَّةٍ) وَلَوْ كِتَابِيَّةً تَحْتَ مُسْلِمٍ (تَحِيضُ لِطَلَاقٍ) وَلَوْ رَجْعِيًّا (أَوْ فَسْخٍ بِجَمِيعِ أَسْبَابِهِ … بَعْدَ الدُّخُولِ حَقِيقَةً، أَوْ حُكْمًا) أَسْقَطَهُ فِي الشَّرْحِ، وَجَزَمَ بِأَنَّ قَوْلَهُ الْآتِيَ " إنْ وُطِئَتْ " رَاجِعٌ لِلْجَمِيعِ (ثَلَاثَ حِيَضٍ كَوَامِلَ

What makes the iddah due is a marriage contract confirmed by consummation or what stands in its place: death, or a (valid) seclusion. For a free woman who menstruates, after a divorce (even a revocable one) or an annulment (faskh) of any kind, following actual or legally counted consummation, it is three complete menstruations.

عدة النكاح ضربان الأول متعلق بفرقة حي بطلاق وفسخ وإنما تجب بعد وطء أو استدخال منيه وإن تيقن براءة الرحم لا بخلوة في الجديد وعدة حرة ذات أقراء ثلاثة والقرء الطهر

The iddah of marriage is of two kinds; the first follows a separation in life, by divorce or annulment (faskh). It is owed only after intercourse (or its legal equivalent), even if the womb is known to be empty, and not by seclusion alone, in the new (relied-upon) view. The iddah of a free woman who menstruates is three qurūʾ, and the qurʾ is the purity.

"The nominal divorce is considered a divorce provided that the husband actually declared it or gave someone else the power of attorney to do the divorce papers, whether he intended divorce or not. This is because writing is the main tool for documentation in the current time. However, as far as one’s responsibility before Allah, divorce is not valid without proper intention, according to the stronger position of the scholars regarding this matter. […] It is permissible to apply for divorce in American courts for the sake of documentation, after having divorced according to Islamic law. If there is a dispute about the divorce, then both the spouses should resort to Islamic centers. […] Divorce decreed by the American court alone is not sufficient in ending the marriage from an Islamic perspective. Therefore, it is incumbent upon the spouses seeking the divorce, after getting the divorce from the court, to refer to the qualified people in any Islamic center to get a valid divorce. […] the khulu’ or annulment decision that is issued by the Imam of an Islamic center is valid, so long as the Imam is commonly accepted by the community as an arbitrator because of his knowledge or is personally chosen as an arbitrator by the disputing spouses."

الأصل أن المسلم لا يرجع في قضائه إلا إلى قاض مسلم أو من يقوم مقامه، غير أنه بسبب غياب قضاء إسلامي حتى الآن يتحاكم إليه المسلمون في غير البلاد الإسلامية، فإنه يتعين على المسلم الذي أجرى عقد زواجه وفق قوانين هذه البلاد، تنفيذ قرار القاضي غير المسلم بالطلاق، لأن هذا المسلم لما عقد زواجه وفق هذا القانون غير الإسلامي، فقد رضي ضمناً بنتائجه، ومنها أن هذا العقد لا يحل عروته إلا القاضي. وهو ما يمكن اعتباره تفويضاً من الزوج جائزاً له شرعاً عند الجمهور، ولو لم يصرح بذلك. لأن القاعدة الفقهية تقول (المعروف عرفاً كالمشروط شرطاً). وتنفيذ أحكام القضاء ولو كان غير إسلامي جائز من باب جلب المصالح ودفع المفاسد وحسماً للفوضى، كما أفاده كلام غير واحد من حذاق العلماء كالعز بن عبدالسلام وابن تيمية والشاطبي.

The principle is that a Muslim refers for judgment only to a Muslim judge or whoever stands in his place. But because there is as yet no Islamic judiciary for Muslims outside Muslim lands, a Muslim who contracted his marriage under the laws of these countries must carry out the non-Muslim judge's decision of divorce: by marrying under that law he implicitly accepted its consequences, among them that only the judge can dissolve the contract. This can be counted as a delegation (tafwīḍ) from the husband, permitted to him by the majority even if he did not state it, by the rule "what is known by custom is like what is stipulated".

"The iddah for the woman would commence as soon as he wrote/signed the papers of divorce. Legally signing the papers of divorce are enough to consider them divorced in Islamic law as well, seeing as verbally speaking the words of divorce are not a condition and by him signing the papers, he has given full consent for the divorce to occur." (cites Ibn ʿĀbidīn, Radd al-Muḥtār, Dār ʿĀlam al-Kutub 2003, 4:456)

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوٓا۟ إِذَا نَكَحْتُمُ ٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتِ ثُمَّ طَلَّقْتُمُوهُنَّ مِن قَبْلِ أَن تَمَسُّوهُنَّ فَمَا لَكُمْ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِنْ عِدَّةٍ تَعْتَدُّونَهَا ۖ فَمَتِّعُوهُنَّ وَسَرِّحُوهُنَّ سَرَاحًا جَمِيلًا

O you who have believed, when you marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them [i.e., consummated the marriage], then there is not for you any waiting period to count concerning them. So provide for them and give them a gracious release.

تَعْتَدُّ حُرَّةٌ، وَإِنْ كِتَابِيَّةً) طَلَّقَهَا مُسْلِمٌ أَوْ أَرَادَ نِكَاحَهَا مِنْ طَلَاقِ ذِمِّيٍّ (أَطَاقَتْ الْوَطْءَ) وَإِنْ لَمْ يُمْكِنُ حَمْلُهَا عَلَى الْمَشْهُورِ أَوْ لَمْ تَبْلُغْ تِسْعَ سِنِينَ عَلَى الْمُعْتَمَدِ لَا إنْ لَمْ تُطِقْهُ فَلَا تُخَاطَبْ بِهَا وَإِنْ وَطِئَهَا (بِخَلْوَةٍ) زَوْجٌ (بَالِغٌ … بِثَلَاثَةِ أَقْرَاءٍ) مُتَعَلِّقٌ بِتَعْتَدُّ (أَطْهَارٍ) بَدَلٌ أَوْ بَيَانٌ مِنْ أَقْرَاءٍ فَالْقَرْءُ بِفَتْحِ الْقَافِ وَتُضَمُّ هُوَ الطُّهْرُ لَا الْحَيْضُ

A free woman keeps the iddah after seclusion (khalwah) with an adult husband, by three qurūʾ, which are periods of purity: the qurʾ is the purity, not the menstruation.

فَصْلٌ الثَّالِثَةُ مِنْ الْمُعْتَدَّاتِ ذَاتُ الْقُرُوءِ الْمُفَارِقَةُ فِي الْحَيَاةِ بَعْدَ الدُّخُولِ بِهَا أَوْ الْخَلْوَةِ (بِطَلَاقٍ أَوْ خُلْعٍ أَوْ لِعَانٍ أَوْ رَضَاعٍ أَوْ فَسْخٍ بِعَيْبٍ أَوْ إعْسَارٍ أَوْ إعْتَاقٍ تَحْتَ عَبْدٍ أَوْ اخْتِلَافِ دِينٍ أَوْ غَيْرِهِ، فَعِدَّتُهَا ثَلَاثَةُ قُرُوءٍ إنْ كَانَتْ حُرَّةً … الْقُرْءُ الْحَيْضُ

A woman who has periods, separated in life after consummation or seclusion, by divorce, khulʿ, liʿān, foster relation, annulment for a defect or inability to support, or otherwise: her iddah is three qurūʾ if she is free. The qurʾ is the menstruation.

وتحصل براجعتك ورجعتك وارتجعتك والأصح أن الرد والإمساك صريحان وأن التزويج والنكاح كنايتان وليقل رددتها إلي أو إلى نكاحي والجديد أنه لا يشترط الإشهاد فتصح بكناية ولا تقبل تعليقا ولا تحصل بفعل كوطء وتختص الرجعة بموطوءة طلقت بلا عوض لم يستوف عدد طلاقها باقية في العدة

Rajʿah happens with "I have taken you back" and similar words. In the new view, witnesses are not a condition. It does not happen by an act such as intercourse. Rajʿah is only for a wife with whom the marriage was consummated, divorced without compensation, whose number of divorces is not used up, and who is still in the iddah.

الفرقة بلفظ الخلع طلاق وفي قول فسخ لا ينقص عددا … وإذا خالع أو طلق بعوض فلا رجعة

A separation using the word khulʿ is a divorce (in one view, an annulment that does not reduce the number). When he separates by khulʿ or divorces for compensation, there is no rajʿah.

فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُۥ مِنۢ بَعْدُ حَتَّىٰ تَنكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُۥ ۗ فَإِن طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ أَن يَتَرَاجَعَآ إِن ظَنَّآ أَن يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ ٱللَّهِ ۗ وَتِلْكَ حُدُودُ ٱللَّهِ يُبَيِّنُهَا لِقَوْمٍ يَعْلَمُونَ

And if he has divorced her [for the third time], then she is not lawful to him afterward until [after] she marries a husband other than him. And if he [i.e., the latter husband] divorces her [or dies], there is no blame upon them [i.e., the woman and her former husband] for returning to each other if they think that they can keep [within] the limits of Allāh. These are the limits of Allāh, which He makes clear to a people who know [i.e.,understand].

"In this case, it is prohibited that these spouses have any sexual contact between themselves. The rights of the husband are pending throughout the iddah. If he embraces Islam during this waiting period, then the previous marriage remains valid. However, if he chooses to remain on his creed, then the Muslim wife has the option to take the issue to the Muslim judge to annul their marriage contract, or to wait longer to give him a chance to come back to Islam so that they may return to their marital relationship."