I have been told I cannot look at the moon, use the phone, leave one room, smile, or wear anything but white or black. Are these really rules of iddah?

Where these come from

Many of these are passed on with love, by mothers, aunts and neighbors who want to protect you. The books give a short list for a widow’s mourning, centered on perfume, jewelry and other adornment, clothes worn to look beautiful, and staying in your home at night.¹² A contemporary fatwā from Shaykh Ibn Bāz lists several popular beliefs beyond this and says there is no basis for them.³

These rules are for the widow. A divorced woman’s rules are different; see the divorce pages.

The moon and the sky

The same fatwā names "she cannot go out under the light of the moon" among the beliefs with no basis, and says she may go out in the moonlight on her roof or in her garden.³ Being outside at your own home is not the same as going out at night, which the schools limit to need.⁴

The phone, and talking to people

The fatwā lists "she cannot talk to anyone" and "she may not talk on the phone" as beliefs with no basis, and says she may speak to anyone she wishes as long as it is not suspicious speech.³ None of the schools’ definitions of mourning that we opened includes speaking.⁵⁶

One room

The rule is your home, not one room. The Prophet ﷺ told Furayʿah, "Stay in your house till the term lapses."⁷ Before Islam, a widow lived for a year "in a wretched small room" in her worst clothes; that is what four months and ten days replaced.⁸

The fatwā says she does her household tasks, such as cooking for herself and her guests, and walks in her home barefoot or in shoes as she likes.³

Only white, or only black

None of the schools requires a particular color. The test is whether the clothes are worn to look beautiful. The Mālikī text says she may wear white, and that the truth is it depends on custom; it adds that she may not wear anything she adorns herself with, white or otherwise.⁹

The Shāfiʿī and Ḥanbalī texts say plain black and other colors not dyed for beauty are allowed, because they are not adornment.¹⁰¹¹

A Ḥanafī text goes further the other way: it says a woman is not excused for wearing black in mourning, except a wife for her husband up to three days, and reads this as keeping her from black in grief beyond three days.¹² The fatwā says her clothes need only be not beautiful, "regardless of whether it be black, green or otherwise".³

Washing

The fatwā names "she can only take a shower once a week" among the beliefs with no basis, and says she may wash whenever she wishes.³

Smiling, laughing, being seen happy

None of the lists of what a widow avoids, in the four schools’ texts we opened, includes smiling or laughing. The lists are about adornment, perfume, clothes worn for beauty and staying home at night.¹²⁵⁶

What to do next

If someone you love insists on one of these, you do not have to argue. You can show them this page, or ask your imam together. If you cannot ask your imam, or do not feel safe asking him, the page What to do now has another way to reach a qualified scholar.

Sources

1

Ibn Qudāmah, al-Mughnī (Ḥanbalī), Maktabat al-Qāhirah edition, 8:155

Open: Ibn Qudāmah, al-Mughnī (Ḥanbalī), Maktabat al-Qāhirah edition, 8:155 ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 1

(٦٣٩٠) فَصْلٌ: وَتَجْتَنِبُ الْحَادَّةُ مَا يَدْعُو إلَى جِمَاعِهَا، وَيُرَغِّبُ فِي النَّظَرِ إلَيْهَا، وَيُحَسِّنُهَا، وَذَلِكَ أَرْبَعَةُ أَشْيَاءَ

The mourning woman avoids what invites intimacy with her, draws looks to her and beautifies her, and that is four things (perfume, adornment, and the others listed over 8:155–158).
2

al-Dasūqī, Ḥāshiyah ʿalā al-Sharḥ al-Kabīr of al-Dardīr (Mālikī), 2:478

Open: al-Dasūqī, Ḥāshiyah ʿalā al-Sharḥ al-Kabīr of al-Dardīr (Mālikī), 2:478 ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 2

(وَتَرَكَتْ) الْمَرْأَةُ (الْمُتَوَفَّى عَنْهَا) (فَقَطْ) لَا الْمُطَلَّقَةُ وُجُوبًا (وَإِنْ صَغُرَتْ) وَيَتَعَلَّقُ الْوُجُوبُ بِوَلِيِّهَا (وَلَوْ كِتَابِيَّةً) مَاتَ زَوْجُهَا الْمُسْلِمُ (وَمَفْقُودًا زَوْجُهَا) وَقَدْ حُكِمَ عَلَيْهِ بِالْمَوْتِ (التَّزْيِينَ بِالْمَصْبُوغِ)

Iḥdād is the woman leaving adornment during the iddah of death. The widow only, not the divorced woman, must leave it, even if young (her guardian is responsible), even if she is a Christian or Jewish wife of a Muslim: adornment with dyed clothes, and so on.
3

IslamQA 4706, "What Must the Mourning Widow Abide By" (contemporary fatwā; source given on the page: Shaikh ibn Baz)

Open: IslamQA 4706, "What Must the Mourning Widow Abide By" (contemporary fatwā; source given on the page: Shaikh ibn Baz) ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 3

However, there are many other acts that the general masses believe or have fabricated concerning a mourning woman. For example, they say that she cannot talk to anyone, she may not talk on the phone, she can only take a shower once a week, she cannot walk barefoot in her house, she cannot go out under the light of the moon, and other superstitions that are simply false. There is no basis for any of these. She may walk barefoot or with shoes in her house. She fulfills her needs in the house, such as cooking her food and the food of her guests. She may go out in the light of the moon on her roof or in her garden. She may wash herself whenever she wishes. She may speak to anyone she wishes as long as it is not suspicious speech. ... She must wear clothing which is not beautiful or attractive, regardless of whether it be black, green or otherwise.
4

Ibn Qudāmah, al-Mughnī (Ḥanbalī), Maktabat al-Qāhirah edition, 8:163

Open: Ibn Qudāmah, al-Mughnī (Ḥanbalī), Maktabat al-Qāhirah edition, 8:163 ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 4

(٦٣٩٧) فَصْلٌ: وَلِلْمُعْتَدَّةِ الْخُرُوجُ فِي حَوَائِجِهَا نَهَارًا، سَوَاءٌ كَانَتْ مُطَلَّقَةً أَوْ مُتَوَفًّى عَنْهَا. لِمَا رَوَى «جَابِرٌ قَالَ طَلُقَتْ خَالَتِي ثَلَاثًا، فَخَرَجَتْ تَجُذُّ نَخْلَهَا، فَلَقِيَهَا رَجُلٌ، فَنَهَاهَا، فَذَكَرَتْ ذَلِكَ لِلنَّبِيِّ - صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - فَقَالَ اُخْرُجِي، فَجُذِّي نَخْلَك، لَعَلَّك أَنْ تَصَّدَّقِي مِنْهُ، أَوْ تَفْعَلِي خَيْرًا» . رَوَاهُ النَّسَائِيّ، وَأَبُو دَاوُد. وَرَوَى مُجَاهِدٌ، قَالَ: «اُسْتُشْهِدَ رِجَالٌ يَوْمَ أُحُدٍ فَجَاءَتْ نِسَاؤُهُمْ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ - صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - وَقُلْنَ، يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ - صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ - نَسْتَوْحِشُ بِاللَّيْلِ، أَفَنَبِيتُ عِنْدَ إحْدَانَا، فَإِذَا أَصْبَحْنَا بَادَرْنَا إلَى بُيُوتِنَا؟ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ - صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ -: تَحَدَّثْنَ عِنْدَ إحْدَاكُنَّ، حَتَّى إذَا أَرَدْتُنَّ النَّوْمَ، فَلْتَؤُبْ كُلُّ وَاحِدَةٍ إلَى بَيْتِهَا» . وَلَيْسَ لَهَا الْمَبِيتُ فِي غَيْرِ بَيْتِهَا، وَلَا الْخُرُوجُ لَيْلًا، إلَّا لِضَرُورَةٍ؛ لِأَنَّ اللَّيْلَ مَظِنَّةُ الْفَسَادِ، بِخِلَافِ النَّهَارِ، فَإِنَّهُ مَظِنَّةُ قَضَاءِ الْحَوَائِج وَالْمَعَاشِ، وَشِرَاءِ مَا يُحْتَاجُ إلَيْهِ.

The woman in iddah may go out for her needs by day, divorced or widowed, because of Jābir's report about his aunt harvesting her palms, and a report from Mujāhid about the widows of Uḥud (talk together at one house, then each goes home to sleep). She may not spend the night anywhere but her home, nor go out at night except for necessity, because night is when harm is feared, unlike the day, when needs, livelihood and shopping are done.
5

Ibn ʿĀbidīn, Radd al-Muḥtār ʿalā al-Durr al-Mukhtār (Ḥanafī), 3:530

Open: Ibn ʿĀbidīn, Radd al-Muḥtār ʿalā al-Durr al-Mukhtār (Ḥanafī), 3:530 ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 5

وَشَرْعًا تَرْكُ الزِّينَةِ وَنَحْوِهَا لِمُعْتَدَّةِ بَائِنٍ، أَوْ مَوْتٍ.

In the Sharīʿah, iḥdād is leaving adornment and the like, for a woman in the iddah of a final divorce or of death.

7 more sources

6

al-Khaṭīb al-Shirbīnī, Mughnī al-Muḥtāj (Shāfiʿī), 5:100

Open: al-Khaṭīb al-Shirbīnī, Mughnī al-Muḥtāj (Shāfiʿī), 5:100 ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 6

وَهُوَ تَرْكُ لُبْسِ مَصْبُوغٍ لِزِينَةٍ وَإِنْ خَشُنَ

(al-Minhāj) Iḥdād is leaving off clothes dyed for adornment, even if coarse (followed by the other items she leaves).
7

Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2300 (Furayʿah bint Mālik) · Ṣaḥīḥ (al-Albānī)

Open: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2300 (Furayʿah bint Mālik) ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 7

امْكُثِي فِي بَيْتِكِ حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ الْكِتَابُ أَجَلَهُ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ فَاعْتَدَدْتُ فِيهِ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْهُرٍ وَعَشْرًا

He said: ... Stay in your house till the term lapses. She said: So I passed my waiting period in it (her house) for four months and ten days.
8

Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5337 (Zaynab bint Abī Salamah) · None shown on sunnah.com (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī)

Open: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5337 (Zaynab bint Abī Salamah) ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 8

كَانَتِ الْمَرْأَةُ إِذَا تُوُفِّيَ عَنْهَا زَوْجُهَا دَخَلَتْ حِفْشًا، وَلَبِسَتْ شَرَّ ثِيَابِهَا، وَلَمْ تَمَسَّ طِيبًا حَتَّى تَمُرَّ بِهَا سَنَةٌ

Zainab said, "When a lady was bereaved of her husband, she would live in a wretched small room and put on the worst clothes she had and would not touch any scent till one year had elapsed."
9

al-Dasūqī, Ḥāshiyah ʿalā al-Sharḥ al-Kabīr of al-Dardīr (Mālikī), 2:478

Open: al-Dasūqī, Ḥāshiyah ʿalā al-Sharḥ al-Kabīr of al-Dardīr (Mālikī), 2:478 ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 9

(قَوْلُهُ بِالْمَصْبُوغِ) أَيْ وَلَهَا لُبْسُ غَيْرِهِ قَالَ فِي الْمُدَوَّنَةِ وَتَلْبَسُ الْبَيَاضَ كُلَّهُ رَقِيقَهُ وَغَلِيظَهُ قَالَ فِي التَّوْضِيحِ وَمَالَ غَيْرُ وَاحِدٍ إلَى الْمَنْعِ مِنْ رَقِيقِ الْبَيَاضِ، وَالْحَقُّ أَنَّ الْمَدَارَ فِي ذَلِكَ عَلَى الْعَوَائِدِ؛ وَلِذَا قَالَ فِي الْكَافِي: وَالصَّوَابُ أَنَّهُ لَا يَجُوزُ لُبْسُهَا لِشَيْءٍ تَتَزَيَّنُ بِهِ بَيَاضًا كَانَ أَوْ غَيْرَهُ

She may wear what is not dyed: al-Mudawwanah says she wears white, all of it, thin and thick; al-Tawḍīḥ notes some leaned to forbidding thin white; "the truth is that it depends on custom", and al-Kāfī says the correct view is that she may not wear anything she adorns herself with, white or otherwise.
10

al-Khaṭīb al-Shirbīnī, Mughnī al-Muḥtāj (Shāfiʿī), 5:101

Open: al-Khaṭīb al-Shirbīnī, Mughnī al-Muḥtāj (Shāfiʿī), 5:101 ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 10

تَنْبِيهٌ: حَاصِلُ ذَلِكَ أَنَّ مَا صُبِغَ لِزِينَةٍ يَحْرُمُ، وَمَا صُبِغَ لَا لِزِينَةٍ كَالْأَسْوَدِ لَمْ يَحْرُمْ لِانْتِفَاءِ الزِّينَةِ عَنْهُ

In short: what is dyed for adornment is forbidden; what is dyed not for adornment, such as black, is not forbidden, because there is no adornment in it.
11

Ibn Qudāmah, al-Mughnī (Ḥanbalī), Maktabat al-Qāhirah edition, 8:158

Open: Ibn Qudāmah, al-Mughnī (Ḥanbalī), Maktabat al-Qāhirah edition, 8:158 ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 11

فَأَمَّا مَا لَا يُقْصَدُ بِصَبْغِهِ حُسْنُهُ، كَالْكُحْلِيِّ، وَالْأَسْوَدِ، وَالْأَخْضَرِ الْمُشْبَعِ، فَلَا تُمْنَعُ مِنْهُ؛ لِأَنَّهُ لَيْسَ بِزِينَةٍ

As for what is not dyed for beauty, such as dark blue, black and deep green, she is not kept from it, because it is not adornment.
12

Ibn ʿĀbidīn, Radd al-Muḥtār ʿalā al-Durr al-Mukhtār (Ḥanafī), 3:533

Open: Ibn ʿĀbidīn, Radd al-Muḥtār ʿalā al-Durr al-Mukhtār (Ḥanafī), 3:533 ↗checked Oct 18, 2026

Read the passage: source 12

وَفِي التَّتَارْخَانِيَّة: وَلَا تُعْذَرُ فِي لُبْسِ السَّوَادِ، وَهِيَ آثِمَةٌ إلَّا الزَّوْجَةَ فِي حَقِّ زَوْجِهَا فَتُعْذَرُ إلَى ثَلَاثَةِ أَيَّامٍ. قَالَ فِي الْبَحْرِ: وَظَاهِرُهُ مَنْعُهَا مِنْ السَّوَادِ تَأَسُّفًا عَلَى مَوْتِ زَوْجِهَا فَوْقَ الثَّلَاثَةِ. … (قَوْلُهُ: وَظَاهِرُهُ مَنْعُهَا مِنْ السَّوَادِ إلَخْ) أَيْ فَيُقَيَّدُ بِهِ إطْلَاقُ مَا مَرَّ مِنْ أَنَّهُ لَا بَأْسَ بِأَسْوَدَ. وَأَجَابَ ط بِحَمْلِ مَا هُنَا عَلَى صَبْغِهِ لِأَجْلِ التَّأَسُّفِ وَلُبْسِهِ، وَمَا مَرَّ عَلَى مَا كَانَ مَصْبُوغًا أَسْوَدَ قَبْلَ مَوْتِ الزَّوْجِ لِتَتَوَافَقَ عِبَارَاتُهُمْ، لَكِنْ يُنَافِيهِ إبَاحَتُهُ فِي الثَّلَاثِ تَأَمَّلْ.

Quoting al-Tatārkhāniyyah: a woman is not excused for wearing black (in mourning) and is sinful, except a wife for her husband, who is excused up to three days. al-Baḥr says this apparently means she is kept from wearing black in grief over her husband beyond three days. Ibn ʿĀbidīn comments that this limits the earlier unqualified statement that there is no harm in black (3:532). Al-Ṭaḥṭāwī reconciles the two by reading this passage as clothes dyed black for grief and worn for it, and the earlier one as clothes already dyed black before the husband died; Ibn ʿĀbidīn adds that allowing it for three days does not fit that reading, and says to reflect on it.